People want the butterfly parts of you without that pupa stage. They want the light without the darkness.
But can a 3-stage metamorphosis result in a butterfly? A 3-stage insect never has to face the death of its former self to reach its final form. It simply grows larger, tougher, and more recognizable. That is continuous growth, but it is not a transformation.
To become a butterfly, you cannot simply improve upon the caterpillar. You must dissolve.
Most people aren’t ready to see that caterpillar stage, the hungry, crawling, earth-bound creature. And they certainly aren’t ready for the pupa stage, where everything familiar turns to liquid in the dark. There is a specific ugliness to the mid-point of change. It is messy, private, and looks nothing like the finished product.
When you hide your monsters, you are trying to bypass the liquefaction.
You are trying to offer a 3-stage version of yourself: a version that just gets bigger without ever having to break. But love is not interested in your showmanship or your linear growth. Love needs the privilege to see your darkness that everyone else is denied. It needs to see the soup, the struggle, and the shedding of the old skin.
So, to test your love ask yourself if they can cherish your pupa stages? Your transformation? Your ugliness? Will they run? Will they feel disgusted? Will they try to stop you in the name of care and protection?
If they cannot stay for the pupa, they do not deserve the wings.
Sadia Hakim / The Butterfly Illusion Theory of Love Founded by Sadia Hakim (09-03-2026)
Is your relationship pupa-ready?
The world is full of people who will applaud your wings, but very few have the stomach for your liquefaction.
If my theory holds true that you must dissolve to transform, then the most important question in any relationship is: “Is this person pupa-ready?“
A pupa-ready partner doesn’t just tolerate your mess; they understand that the filth you are sharing is the raw material of your next self. You can identify them by these subtle signs:
They don’t try to fix the soup. When you are in the middle of a breakdown or a major life shift, they don’t rush to patch you back together into your old caterpillar shape. They allow you to be liquid without panic.
They aren’t disgusted by the process. While the general public only wants the exhibition of your success, this person stays in the dark with you. They see your monsters and recognize them as the prerequisites for your growth.
They protect your cocoon. They understand that transformation is a messy, private affair. Instead of pressuring you to fly before you are ready, they provide the safety and silence you need to finish your change.
In a world obsessed with 3-stage growth, find someone who respects the 4th stage. Find someone who knows that the ugliness of the pupa isn’t a flaw, it is a miracle in progress.
If they are only there for the flight, they were never there for you.
Sadia Hakim / The Butterfly Illusion Theory of Love by Sadia Hakim