I have felt closer to the moon, to the triple light of Alpha Centauri, to the blue fire of Rigel, and to the steady pulse of Sirius my entire life than I have to other people. I have felt more connected to the ancient shapes of the constellations, the sprawling Andromeda Galaxy, the Sombrero Galaxy, and the distant Triangulum Galaxy than to those around me. My heart has always been pulled toward the dust of the Orion and Horsehead Nebulae, the towering Pillars of Creation, the glowing Magellanic Clouds, and the swirling depths of the Whirlpool and Black Eye Galaxies. From the red glow of Antares and Betelgeuse to the vast reach of the Great Attractor, I have felt closer to these cosmic wonders my entire life than I have to other people.


I have felt closer to the branching fractal of a fern, to the phototropic reach of a sunflower, and to the twisting double helix of my own genetic code my entire life than I have to other people. I have felt more connected to the rhythmic firing of a synaptic gap and the delicate crystalline lattice of a snowflake than to the world around me. My spirit has always been pulled toward the valence dance of an electron shell, the silent nuclear furnace of the atom, and the ghostly transit of a neutrino passing through the earth. From the colorful charge of the subatomic quarks to the vibrating tension of a cosmic string, I have felt closer to these fundamental truths of existence my entire life than I have to other people.


I have felt closer to the sun setting at the horizon, the moon rising behind the trees, and the rain hitting the floor of my terrace my entire life than I have to other people. I have felt more at home in the swirl of my coffee, the first sip of my tea, and the hand-drawn worlds of anime than in the company of others. Between the pages of my books and the quiet moments of the day, I have found a peace that people never gave me. I have felt closer to these simple things my entire life than I ever have to other people.

I have felt closer to the moon my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to Alpha Centauri my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to Rigel my entire life than to other people.

I have felt closer to Ursa Major and Stella Polaris my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Andromeda Galaxy my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Orion Nebula my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Sombrero Galaxy my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Pillars of Creation my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to Antares my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Magellanic Clouds my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Whirlpool Galaxy my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Horsehead Nebula my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Ring Nebula my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Black Eye Galaxy my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to Spica my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Carina Nebula my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Triangulum Galaxy my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Lagoon Nebula my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Great Attractor my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the Pillars of Creation my entire life than to other people.

I have felt closer to the branching fractal of a fern my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the phototropic reach of a sunflower my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the double helix of a DNA strand, the twisting ladder of my own code, my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the rhythmic firing of a synaptic gap my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the crystalline lattice of a snowflake my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the valence dance of an electron shell my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the nuclear furnace of a single atom my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the ghostly transit of a neutrino my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the colorful charge of a triplet of quarks my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the vibrating tension of a cosmic string my entire life than to other people.

I have felt closer to the sun setting at the horizon my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the moon rising behind the trees my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the rain hitting the floor of my terrace my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the swirl in my cup of coffee my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the first sip of hot tea my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the worlds in anime my entire life than to other people.
I have felt closer to the stories in my books my entire life than to other people.

This is where I truly belong. This is where the distance stops existing. From quarks to constellations and other worlds, this is my scale of loneliness. This is my choice of solitude.

Sometimes I feel so distant from people that I feel closer to the stars and galaxies. In fact, I have felt closer to them my entire life than I have to other people.

I have felt closer to these little stupid things my entire life than I have to other people.

I have felt closer to these little candid things my entire life than I have to other people.

Sadia Hakim / Cosmapoetica Series Part 1